VIP

I think it’s the best time for me to talk about my relationship with my “Ideal Boyfriend”. It’s been a month since he left the Philippines for Australia and less than a month before we turn one! Yay!

It was last year. Hopia pako sa ex ko. Kasi nagmeet pa kami nung January nung  kinuha ko yung pasalubong ko from her ate nung nagpunta sya ng Bahrain. Nirereto nako ng batchmate ko sa soro sa brod ng asawa nya na SChemEs din. “Dati”raw Chemeng at nurse. Hearing those, medyo di nako naging interisado. Kasi sa isip-isip ko baka puchu-puchu lang na school sya galing. Oo. It matters to me. Tapos pinakita ang Facebook profile. Pagtingin ko bang! Gwapo.. nung katabi! Si Marvin Cruz pala yun! Akala ko sya eh. So nung nakita ko sya. AYOKO. Lol.

Until I went to my sorority’s anniv party February. I met him there. Ang una kong impresyon sakanya: Manyak. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Sumali rin kasi sya sa body shot game kaya medyo na-off ako.  Hanggang sa matapos ang program and finally we were able to get introduced formally. Nakakatawa! Kaboses nya kasi si Robin Padilla na idol raw nya at forever nya ko tinatawag na “Maám”. Ewan ko pero sobrang ma-appeal sya sa personal. Tas macho pa sya! Lol. Imagine? We were in a party and we talked about religion! Muslim raw kasi ang daddy nya at Catholic naman ang mommy nya. Tinanong ko kasi kung naniniwala sya sa Dyos ang sagot nya sakin eh “Oo pero hindi kay Jesus Christ”.

Dun ako nagpanting at nasabi ko na “Wala ka kasing Christian formation!” Kasi galing syang Rural etc. Dun na sya nagsalita na”Excuse me maám galing po akong Ateneo de Davao. 2 years po akong may Theo.”At dun ko na sya nagustuhan. Hehe. We talked almost everything about him. His orgs, his hobbies. Apprently, Tau pala sya at nagbabasketball. Check na check na sa bucket list ko. Minus the naggigitara na requirement. Lol. He talked about his very horrible past and how he was able to bounce back. First meeting palang naming yun pero lahat ng negative nya, sinabi na nya sakin kaagad. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ko natanggap lahat ng yun. Tapos nagkwento na sya tungkol sa plano nya. Na plano nga nyang mag-Australia. Upon hearing that, medyo nalungkot ako. Kasi “Oh? Aalis ka naman pala eh?” Tsaka nya sinabi na “Bakit? Di ko ba pwedeng isama yung magiging special sakin dun?”Tas dedma nako. Lol

Malay ko ba na magiging kami??? Malay ko ba na ako pala yung magiging special na tinutukoy nya nun???

Our relationship is just steady. We’re not your usual couple who annoys you on Facebook and in public. We don’t even hold hands whenever we’re walking. We don’t cuddle. We don’t text every minute of the day. We don’t have vanity pics together. Maybe because he’s old enough para magpa-tweetums. I dunno. I get used to it na hindi na rin ako naghahanap. He’s not expressive unlike me na sobrang lambing. Pero okay lang. Natanggap ko. Kasi pag nagexpress naman sya astig lang pero ikamamatay ko naman sa kilig. Minsanan pero sobrang hindi makakalimutan.

Sobrang hirap din nung set-up naming last year kasi budget-wise di naman sya ganun ka well-off. Maliit lang ang sahod ng nurse sa Elbi. Usually ako yung sumasagot. Hindi naman pwedeng ako lang ang mag-date diba? Lol. Masaya na masakit sa bulsa. Sobrang pigang piga talaga ko nun tapos halos lahat ng free time ko, sakanya ko talaga dinedicate. Inom. Date. Basketball. Sleep. At some point, parang nakakapagod. Nakakaumay. Hanggang sa dumating na nagsawa nako sa lahat ng burdens ko sa buhay ko at pinili kong makipag-break just to get away. Sobrang na-guilty rin ako nun kasi masyado akong naging makasarili. Hindi nga naman sya nambabae o nagloko. Inintindi ko rin na yung mga circumstance at reasons nya. Tapos narealize ko…Hindi ko pala kaya. L

Hinabol ko sya. Kinain ko ang pride ko. Mabuti nalang mahal nya talaga ko at tinanggap nya ko ulit. Para nga naman kasi syang basura na basta ko nalang itinapon. Hindi ko man lang naconsider ang feelings nya. At higit sa lahat..Hindi ko sinabi yung mga issues ko.

Pag iniisip ko na magiisang taon na kami, parang di ko mapaniwalaan. Ambilis kasi! Parang kelan lang. Pag iniisip ko pano ko natanggap yung sobrang pangit nyang past, di ko rin alam.

Ang totoo minahal ko sya kasi nakita ko yung lalaki na gusto kong maging tatay ng mga magiging anak ko. Sobrang family man nya. Kahit andaming issues sa bahay nila, sobrang loyal pa rin nya. I really admired him for that. At alam ko na magiging good provider sya. May isa syang salita. Never sya nag-promise sakin kasi ayaw nya na magbbreak ng ganun. Siguro nga hindi nako naghahanap ng “boyfriend”. Nakita ko lahat ng goodness sakanya. Para kong may kuya at tatay pag kasama ko sya. Lol

I learned a lot of things about myself because of him. He brings out the best in me. We’re good partners in every activity that we do. Naging mas mabuti akong tao nang dahil sakanya. J

Haay. Nakakamiss. Nakakalungkot kasi nag-valentines at maga-anniv ako mag-isa! Sana kayanin. I’m praying the best for us. 

Post after hiatus

3237 miles apart. 17 days since he left to Perth. 2 days until Valentine’s Day.

These are just figures. I wish.  I only cried for two days after he left to pursue his studies and career in nursing there in the land down under. Quite weird? No? Sigh.

I’m doing good here. I hope so. Being busy with work keeps me focused and shrug off missing him. Well, I miss my whole life when he’s still around. I miss going out with him, his cousins and sister. I almost gave up all of my free time just to be with him. And I don’t have any regrets. At all. Even though that means time for watching basketball and watching him sleep. 

I’m missing him more now. :’( Sometimes I wonder if we really can survive this set-up. But this morning, I was able to get an overseas call from him. Yay! Kilig! <3 Haha. It really means a lot to me. Because a week since he left, I felt like he didn’t make much effort to catch up with me. Yeah, I know. Because he is still adjusting there. He’s living with his aunt and everything is shouldered by his aunt’s family. 

We were fighting just last week because of this misunderstanding. It was really difficult for me because I was used to texting him everything that I do. I can call him anytime whenever he’s not replying promptly. But now. It’s very difficult. It takes a lot of patience and understanding just to make us cool. It’s difficult to have fights much especially petty fights because we cannot resolve them sooner. Usually it takes hours before we can talk again. That is, a good thing, because we keep our cool. Our concerns do not become issue between us anymore.

I think we just cope with the situation. But it really scares me because what if this distance would make us forget each other? What if he finds another woman? What if I found someone else? I’m really really scared because I promised of not leaving him. That he is the only one and that I will wait for him. It was a good news knowing that his classes were shortened to a year instead of two years. Even before we’re not yet a couple, he already mentioned his plans of settling down abroad. This time, it’s with me. I could feel the pressure already because I think our relationship is still not yet matured enough to go to that level. Or just me?  I am not yet ready. I am only turning 25 this year and I am not yet satisfied with my accomplishments and my youth.

You know what really concerns me? It’s because he’s asking me to be with him after two years without even asking for a wedding proposal!!! My gaaaahd!!! But anyway, I’m hoping for the best. This year, physically without him, I’d do things I missed doing when I was still single. That includes bumming myself over the internet on weekends, watching movies/series, reading books, hanging out with my bestest friends. Gosh! So many things to do, so little time!

Oh well. 

Hi! :)

Thinking of a new background for this blog. And of making this blog public again.

Yes. I'm back. :)

Shaky.

My boyfriend is a health buff. He always goes to the gym, run for almost 21K every day, do curl ups and use their stationary bike aside from playing basketball. 

Yes he's a nurse. An eight-hour duty in the hospital is not an easy task. Most of the time, he gets to work for more hours because his work requires him so. 

Now, with our set-up of only meeting during weekends and with unfixed time for communication, add the fact that he is not that expressive and sweet, how can we survive?

I'm trying to be more understanding. I'm trying hard to make us work. We're both busy but sometimes I also long for romance and time with him. But yeah. It can't be just like that.

I don't know how far this can go? To be honest, I can really live on my own. I don't really need a boyfriend. Having someone to care for sometimes makes me paranoid and that's not healthy. Add the fact that I have a low self-esteem. I have so much insecurities. And then her first cousin was crowned as Bb. Pilipinas-Universe 2013! Great. 

I've already met her closest family members. I think he's sincere but at the end of the day, I don't have peace of mind. Whenever we don't get to talk on the phone or exchange messages, I always have doubts of his fidelity. I have an end in mind that he will cheat on me. So I am prepared.

Just what I told before, I just go with the flow. If he is not the right guy for me, at least I will not be that hurtful. 

But every time he gets to remember me, it is always special. I always look forward the weekends because of him. Five days from work is less than two days spent with him! I've never been this happier. And I've never been this understanding. 

I may find this set-up tiresome at times, but with the scenario of us being together, so much worth it. 

I swallowed everything I said.

As in everything.

And I cannot believe myself! I never thought of it even in my wildest dream! WHY???
But yeah. As my mantra goes.. "NO REGRETS". Kdot.

Just I realized how evil I was when my ex and I were together. How did he even tolerate my mere existence! (Wow! Haha) I was soooo immature and childish and bratty and ugh.. Okay. Move on.

Here I am. Feeling like blind. Out of nowhere, who don't know where and what to start. I don't feel the old me. I don't even feel I am myself. I just go with the flow. And yet I am happier than before. I still have my expectations but I don't impose them anymore. I feel like a child. But not childish anymore. I don't know why I got here. I just felt it. It's a big risk but the hell I thought about it. If I got played again, then it's his loss. I think I'm wiser now. I think I can handle failures now. Better. I think? I wish.

Of course I still have my fears. A lot. I don't know what's with him that made me say yes...sooner. Maybe because I really don't believe in courtship? Or I just found my ideal man way back college. :p

"Fratman, gwapo, macho, matalino, ChemEng, sporty"

All those describe him. Funny is, I didn't meet him in College. Lols.

I never thought that I could find a man with ALL my criteria. (Lakas!) With how I think of the situation, maybe it's maturity. I learned how not to be idealistic. I'm just hoping for the best.  Literally, bahala na.

Choice.

My mind has lot of thoughts and I can't decide what to write down. Hmm..

Okay. See, my Kuya Mike and I are not in good terms.. again. We had a cat fight two weeks ago. The cause: MINIMIZING THE VOLUME OF TV. Which is a very serious matter. Right? I deserve all his nags, insults and rage for this really BIG issue. Fuck.

After a long time, I cried again. It was a good cry actually. A relief. I think it's really healthy for us to cry once in a while so we can put out all the bad vibes and burdens we are carrying. Thanks to Jay even if he's in Malaysia who gave me a Facetime call and Janno who called me on the phone. 

And for the nth time I received a shotgun proposal. Chos. I mean, why? Don't men nowadays know how to slow things down? And for every situation like this, why am I the one who's always saying sorry. Why can't I be MEAN. Tangina!

The people around me are excited for my love life to bloom. Of course, I am more excited! But, after what happened, I just proved to myself that I really don't need to be in a relationship right now. Or sooner? Hehe. No it's not about my EX. Though I watched their concert with Janno. It's nothing. Plus he's grumpy and unpredictable again. It's just that I only want to think of myself. Taking care another person is too hassle for me. See, I am contented with being single. I've been single for two years this coming 5th and I'm used to it. Plus men attempting are ALL the same. Jerks. Jerks everywhere.

I proved to myself that being single is really MY choice. Pwede maging choosy? Kahit minsan? Lol

Yes. This is me :)

Over a year working in the Department of Agriculture makes me mature..I think. And by maturity, I mean being less sensitive and emotional. I became independent and more responsible.

How did I know? Well, compared before, I tend to get jealous and onion-skinned when my friends had hang outs that I were not able to join them. Tampururot ako sobra! But now, I think more of practicality. Sometimes, I think not to make friends with them at all. Lol.

See? I realized that you don't really need many friends. You just need true friends. Even if how few they are! And I really appreciate my friends who can understand my shortcomings and low-profile lifestyle. Chos!

I am not really grandiose. Okay, except to food. But hey! I am not really into buying branded clothes or shoes or bags!Sobrang kuripot ko pala talaga! Haha. Why am I noting all of these? It's because I am turning 24 already and I do not have savings yet!!!

It kills me knowing I've been working for more than a year now and I haven't invested anything! Impulsive gimmicks and hangouts are the reasons so I should lessen them. But then, I realized, planned ones are more expensive! Huhu T________T

So what should I do? Rawr! I have a goal this year to have at least PhP 18,000 by December! Luckily, I do not have my salary in the whole month of January. Talk about savings, I am but broke!!!

At least, I am learning the art of saying NO. It helps. Really. I still go out though. :p But I know how to filter them.

I am just delighted by how I handle things now. Yeah. Less drama. I am loving my life despite how much I lack financially, socially and romantically. Lol. It all boils down on how I view things. How I am  not affected by outside forces. By not being lured by social media and networking sites. And not affected by peer pressure. So old for that! Haha