Love and reality

I've never been this affected to any celebrity love teams. I used to be a Kimerald but when they split up,  I didn't even care. Last Sunday, I watched Sarah G Live. It was half of the show already when I tuned in until Aiai interviewed Sarah's parents. I was on the edge of my seat and then everything turned out sooo heartbreaking.

The gist was, Gerald stopped courting Sarah and Sarah denied that it was her mommy behind it. But what she was saying was contrary to what she was showing. You can feel her pain! And I burst into tears when her mom gave her advice and she said she wasn't in a hurry, muntik lang!

Poor Sarah! 24 and still treated like a little girl! She has served her family well and been an obedient child all her life but they can't let her experience something normal her age should be enjoying. When his father was asked on what qualities are they looking for Sarah's boyfriend he said someone who will never leave her and will never make her cry. I almost flip the table! C'mon! It's just a boyfriend! As if their daughter will be married soon! Then, I was dumbfounded.

I used to think this way. That the first boyfriend should be the one and only. But reality bites. And not everything happens in the fairy tales should come true to everybody. That heartbreaks and pain are necessity for growth. That you will learn from relationship failures. These realizations fired up in my mind in just split seconds.

In a snap of fingers, I came to my senses and understood Gerald's point of view. If he really stopped because of Sarah's parents' rules in courtship, no one should blame him. He might have realized the pressure and the consequences if they become a couple. They are still young. And Gerald has a lot of things to explore and enjoy about her age being a man.

At the end of the day, I was still able to smile. I am still luckier than Sarah. I was able to experience being in a relationship though it didn't last the way I expected it to be. I learned a lot and I think I can maturely handle the next relationship better. But still, like Sarah, I will just standby and pray for that man to come and I could finally say he is worth the wait!

Sweet Catastrophe

Sorrow is such a sweet certainty

Of pain, of remorse; candy-coated melancholy.

Every tear is luscious like honey

Most especially when you're feeling lonely.

I have a sweet-tooth, baby.

I get sugar rush when I indulge in misery

I weep in mishap, in its sweetened taste.

Affliction and remorse, I forever chase.

Heavy heart.

I know this is sooo over rated but I just have to release this. I need an outlet and this blog is perfect! I mean, what's the use of my blog if not for these?

Pain is an understatement. I am completely numb.. last time I checked. But events this weekend made me realized how affected I am still. How crazy I am over.. wait for it.. Okaaaay...him!

Last Friday was PaCEMula: CEMplangan opening. Honestly, I was really torn on going or not. I haven't slept for two days because of office work and going home would be really helpful for me. But yeah. FRIENDS! I can't say no! Another thing is the weather. The clouds were scary! On my way to HM terminal, I was thinking how lucky I was that moment when I was able to have a perfect timing. Rain hasn't poured yet when I reached the bus terminal. As the bus leaves, just in time for the heavy rain!

When I arrived in elbi, there was no single drop of rain! Just my luck when I told my friend to meet me at the corner of Agapita, I saw his car! I just saw the letters of the plate number so I waited for it to turn left for me to see it completely. And positive! It was his car! I was shaking to my nervousness I don't even know why! But it gave me a hint to where he lives so I followed him! Lol. I was positive that night and voila! Quoting my favorite series Once Upon A Time "I will always find you". :p

Haha. Stalker me! Guess what? He just lives at the back of Clemente! Gaaaah! And it was me again who found out where he lives! I ran back to LBNHS to meet my friend because she was waiting for a while already.

The morning after, I woke up late so I wasn't able to get back home in the morning. The couple aems alumni who also slept over at clemente randomly called him and invited him over. I was already packing my things that time. I was just waiting for my ordered meal for delivery. And there, Jojo was already mentioning the people around. I told them not to include me. For sure he won't come. I was also decided to go home then.. But they insisted for me to stay. Part of me wanted to but the other wanted to save myself from whatever embarrassment/what-not.

Just as I entered the room, when everyone else was outside, I heard them in excited voices! He arrived! That moment, I thought I was going to get sick! My whole body was shaking! My hands and feet were cold and sweaty! My heart kept beating faster that its usual. I didn't know what to do! I wanted to disappear! I was just there at the room. So near to him yet so far! I heard them telling stories. Making fun of him. Aems missed him. Paw and Che, went to me from time to time. I really wanted to go home.  And then, all of sudden when they left me, he peaked me at the door and said these cold words"Andyan ka pala?". With a very insulted face.

Moment of silence. I was stunned. I didn't know what to do. So just as he left the room, I went out as well. Pretended that everything was okay. Jojo and Rose Ann brought us chocolate ice cream and from that moment I revealed myself to him---define AWKWARD! They just made fun out of it but it was completely awkwardness filling out every space of that apartment!

I just waited for my lunch to arrive because he didn't talk after he saw me, I left Clemente.


I had a heavy heart. He might thought that it was one of my schemes! So after I arrived home, I texted him right away explaining things to him. And yes. He was consistent. He never replied.

It's raining and I'm all by myself.

I just want to cuddle. I just want more hugs. But how could I possibly do that? I bought another pillow! For my feet. I already have the hugger-type but I am dissatisfied. These times, its sucks to be alone. These times, I'm not just alone but I am lonely. These times.. I miss you.