The weather condition is also my heart's

I should be studying right now instead of posting another entry about him.

These times. When the weather is cold and it's much better stay at home. The hugs and cuddles. Sleeping together. Those stuff. Errr. I miss him more. :|

Yesterday Pedring showed some wrath and Elbi was in total mess. Classes were suspended even the offices were closed. But not us in Alumni Hostel. Boo! >:/

I was alone inside the Alumni Center. There were CSBs outside but I don't care at all. Lels~ (suplada eh! Haha) Loneliness was trying to envelope me again. And because I was weak. I was trapped.

Good thing I had no more extra load to text him! :) So I diverted my attention to my few friends. Unfortunately there was a signal problem and only few did reply.

I contacted my AEMS friends and luckily they were there to confide me. Paw invited me over to drink! :))) Yes. Desperate moves. I was suicidal already. I said to myself that I will go to his dorm and invite him to SM Calamba and shoot him there! Lol

Kidding aside, I usually do this. Not the shooting part but the surprise visit to his dorm. This time, I think it's the 4th or 5th? :p I know visitors are not allowed to go there but I'm like a ninja! :)))) Unless they catch me.

I remember the time I was caught. It was my removal exam in 102 so I really need to see him so I can focus on my acads. I rushed upstairs. I forgot what unit it was. I just remember that his room is just across the stairs. I went fourth floor and the caretaker saw me. :p I just asked where is his unit. The caretaker told me that visitors are not allowed but the funny thing was he answered: "Sa baba po". :))))

Going back, so after my shift I head off to Whitehouse. Surprise! All my things were wet! @!#%$#^%$&^%*
MY YEARBOOK!!!!
I tried to dry them all then suddenly: BROWNOUT!

EH PUTANGINA LANG!!!!


So I did what I could do. I put way all the waters from the leaks using a doormat then transfer in the basin. Uggghhh. The bed was half wet. My things were in chaos. No electricity. No water.

ARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Goodbye C9!!!

I went to eat out first. Walking through F.O, I saw his dorm and was imagining going there but then I focused my attention to buying ice in the corner. After I bought, I rode a tryk and went to Clemente. (There's actually no place like that. HAHA. It is FM Apartments.)

They welcomed me with THE BAR SILVER! :D

(I remember when we first drink this, it was the best feeling in the world! We were like floating! HAHAHA)


I don't get drunk lately. As in. Only sober.
I miss the feeling of being drunk. Being high. Being invincible and being all-out to your feelings.

So the three of us drank (Paw, me and Kelvin). We finished by washing with SanMig Light. The feeling was heaven! To my drunkenness, I puffed two sticks of cigarette. That's the indication that I am already tipsy. (I really don't smoke. I do this only when drunk)

Phoebe and Robert were going out for dinner so I joined them. I didn't notice that I was already in front of my ex's unit. HAHA. So I knocked and opened the door. I saw him in front of his laptop. He went outside furious. And I didn't know..I was already crying.

Seeing him was pointless. But at least I saw him.

He was really mad. I don't know why? All I really want was to check on him. His built is better now. I think he grew his muscles. I really wanted to hug him but all I ever said was I miss him.

He got even mad. I asked him what did I do. Then he let me go downstairs and brought me to them (Phoebe and Robert) He was really scary.

I was crying the whole night until we finished eating in Liemposilog's. I didn't care what people say about me. I really don't care at all.

I knew this is going to happen. I just miss him that I wanted to see him so badly. I knew that tears will fall but to see him was all I ever wanted.

That moment when he was furious and I was crying, in the back of my head I was really happy. I was already contented. I wanted to hug him but instead I slapped him in the face. And that made him hate me more...

I knew I shouldn't do that but it was my ego's will to defend myself. Going there was enough. I lost my pride long time ago. Up to now, I haven't redeemed myself yet.

Finally, I got drunk again. Also, my heart was broken into pieces for the nth time...

Loser. That's me. And I don't know if I will be able to learn or repeat this foolishness.

Utot ng Utak Bilang Blah Blah

Every week lang ako umuwi sa bahay. Kung uuwi man ako, ganito lang ang gagawin ko. Or manonood ng TV, matutulog...

Minsan ko nalang din kasi makita ang mga pinsan ko (medyo komplikado kasi ang set-up namen sa bahay. You know? Broken families?) 

Di na kami ganun nag-uusap dahil sa pagka-busy kasi hindi na rin naman kasi kami nagkikita. Nakasama din siguro yung wi-fi. 

Eh yun. Nakakalungkot lang kasi yun nga. Minsan ka na nga lang umuwi ganito pa? 

Binabalot talaga ko ng kalungkutan. Pero nakakayanan ko naman. Nakakalungkot lang kasi after CEMplangan, busy na ang lahat. Syempre kanya-kanyang acads na yan. Nawalan nako ng roommate. Eh anlake ng kama????Tapos yun nga.. patapos na yung work contract ko sa Alumni Hostel. Dagdagan pa ng patapos na din ang sem. 

And what does this mean? Ano pa? Eh di..GRADUATE NA KO! (SA WAKAS! SABOG CONFETTI!!!)

Yun na nga yung malungkot eh. Aalis nako sa elbi. Elbi na naging tahanan ko sa loob ng uhhmmm... Ayoko na pala bilangin! HAHAHAHAHA..

Nakakaiyak.

Yung mga maiiwan mo.

Yung iiwanan mo...

Bagong kabanata na naman ng buhay.

Takot pa ko eh. Hindi ko kasi alam ang mangyayari. Hindi ko alam kung sino ang mga bagong dadating. Hindi ko alam kung san ako mapapadpad. 

Pinilit kong maghanap ng trabaho sa Jobstreet kanina. Hindi ko alam ang kukunin kong trabaho o kung san ba ko magtatrabaho. Gusto ko sana sa malapit kaya lang parang gusto ko din lumayo. Naisip ko kasi basta. Anlabo ko. Lol

Kahit na buong sem ako na nasa elbi, gusto ko naman kahit papano na magstay sa bahay kahit konti. Pero ayokong magtagal. Gets? Kakatulungin lang ko eh! Hindi ako grumaduate para maging aliping saguigilid!!! 

Two weeks lang. Gusto ko after nun may pagkakaabalahan na agad. Swear! Hindi ko kaya talaga maging taumbahay!

Eh yun. Nung Friday kumuha nako ng Student's license sa LTO. Badtrip. Wala kasi yung hepe na hahanapin ko. Brod ko kasi yung General Director ng LTO eh sabi nya sakin ipakita ko lang yung message nya kay hepe.. Wengks! Waleeeeyy.

Yan na lang siguro aatupagin ko sa November: Mag-aral mag drive! 

Ang pinakamasaklap sa lahat ng ito...

KAWALAN NG PERA. ///

tapos wala ka pang boyfriend. CHARAUGHT!!! HAHAHA

T___________________T

This song reminds me of why you left me.

When some words are better left unsaid, there is always music to answer what are unexpressed.

Sugarfree ♥

This is my favorite band of all time!

Ever since high school, their songs are part of my every day journey. I can listen to their album over and over again. Their songs best describe every stages of life. Adolescence to adulthood. Actually bigger than  that. It's beyond phases. I am just amazed by how they put every story into a song then into albums. Here are my favorite Sugarfree songs and what I got from each.

HARI NG SABLAY taught me how to accept imperfections making the most out of it. Loser? Yes. But be the BEST LOSER in town! >:)))

KWENTUHAN taught me how small talks could lead to budding romance. Lels~ (Kwentuhan nga diba? Hindi dapat landian!) HAHAHAHA

PROM taught me how to flirt. Lels~ HAHAHAHAHA. This debunked the usual Filipina gesture and ethics of not doing anything for someone you like. You know what I mean? HAHA.:))) Not courting of course but the first moves I must say. Sending motives and hidden messages? (Sige na nga. Flirting na lang!) HAHAHAHA

SINTA has taught me how to open my senses more than what eyes could see.. :">

TULOG NA taught me how to relax in handling problems and be just like a baby in slumber. It's a lullaby for grown-ups. :">

WALA NANG HIHILINGIN taught me how to be contented in life when you're with someone you love ♥

WAG KA NG UMIYAK taught me how to depend on someone. Trust, faith and love. CHARAUGHT!

KWARTO taught me how is it to have a broken heart and let go of the things that makes me remember of the past...Yes. That room..

KUNG AYAW MO NA SA AKIN taught me how to move on and at the same time hope and wait and wait...that "that someone" will eventually come back. Lol. Lyrics of this song actually apply to me..until now.  HOHO :P I just love singing this song. Very witty and catchy yet sooo sincere and heartfelt. TAGOS!

MARIPOSA taught me that loneliness kills. #slashwrist ///

HANGOVER taught me that moving on is not as easy as pie. Getting drunk isn't enough to take the pain away.. ///

and lastly

BURNOUT taught me that great love never fades away... ♥

Oh kay tagal kitang minahal

Oh kay tagal kitang mamahalin...

You know what else Sugarfree taught me? Not another song... but the band as a whole. It's the fact that everything has its end. :( Even this band also broke apart. Just as mine did. 

This picture was taken at Sugarfree's farewell concert. Paalam Pilipinas March 1, 2011 in Eastwood City.

"We" rushed to this event all the way from elbi. And I never thought...never in my wildest dreams that this day would ever happen! 

This is the best band in the Philippines! My favorite! My ♥

Just like that?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

But what surprised me more was...

after four days, He left me... just also like that.

Paalam.

It goes on and on and on...

Akalain mo nga naman? Saktong pag gawa ko ng blog na to..22 nga pala ngayon? And what's with the number?

Today should be our 23rd month together.


And it's past six months since he broke up with me. 


Looking back, it's like.. Oh my God! Really that fast! Naka sixteen months talaga kami? Parang ang bilis! Parang hindi naman. Parang kulang...


Hindi ko tuloy maisip yung mga nagkakarelasyon na bwan lang ang itinagal. Much worse weeks or days. Pano? Sobrang iksi nun! May love na ba talaga don? Serysoso? Hindi nga??? (waw! Dami sinabe! HAHAHAHA)




I don't look for love. I don't search for it. I patiently wait...
Because when I love, I give my all. (sounds stupid but it's just the way it is). Maybe I read so much fairy tales during my childhood and watched so much chick-flick movies that made all my hopes high and expect a lot from TRUE LOVE.


I remember in high school, itinaga ko sa bato, na hindi ako magboboyfriend ng naka-uniform!


Nakakadiri kaya! Ang bata-bata nyo pa, ang landi landi na! Hindi rin ako ma-PDA. Ewwwwwssss. As in! Uuugggghhhh. Pwede ba????


Then I entered UP. Second semester I joined a sorority and that brought all my senses open. I was exposed to  reality!Lels~ Everything outside of my comfort zone. I had a crush on my brod..my first heart break. Hoho (Mage-eighteen palang ako nun). The feelings were mutual but I really never knew why he did not pursue me.///

He was my first heart break. Those times were the happiest, saddest and much more of a roller coaster ride of my college life!

I will never forget that because after that sem, I cut my hair sooooo short that I don't want to remember how I look and just bury all those pictures of the past! It was really a tough time for me. The toughest of all!

So where is this post going? Lol

This is the beginning of the so-called "ZMJ CYCLE".
Jay-ar, my batchmate in AEMS coined this term to explain the phenomena of love that is happening to me.

From crush..to flirting..to love..almost there..then poof! Disappear!
(bucket of tears please!)

It never comes away. Always the same.

The third guy was my ex-boyfriend. I never thought that he would continue the cycle. Lol
Imagine? Sixteen months? And we don't even have fights or any problem when that day he decided to split up!

Siguro ganun nga. Hindi pinipili ang minamahal. Hindi rin napipilit, hindi hinahanap. Hindi hinihintay. Basta dadating na lang.Pag dumating, masaya ka. Dapat lang magpakasaya na tapos hayaan lang maging masaya. Kasi kapag oras na para lumisan walang ibang mararamdaman kundi pait at sakit.
Tapos iiyak ka hanggang sa maubos lahat ng luha sa mata mo, hanggang sa mapagod ka na at magsawa. Ilang panahon pa darating na uli ang saya. Ganun lang. Paikot-ikot. Paulit-ulit. Ang tanong na lang ngayon siguro eh kung sino ang hahayaan mong sumunod sa siklo...




And because of this theory, I lost my faith in love.
Bow.

Grabe ka Rossana! @_@

On Ted Failon: One of the best sex she ever had.
On Jao Mapa: Not well-endowed but fucked her like a porn star - parang hindi bata.
On Robin Padilla: The worst kasi tamad.


For full details:
Osang's Confession (DJ Mo)

Good Morning >:)))

Pag eto ba marinig mo ewan ko nalang! Good morning daw oh? LETCHE!!!

Mas maganda pa to eh..

Sige! Kembot kembot! Sige Kembot kembot...repeat til maumay. Lels~


Pero eto na talaga ..GOOD MORNING! :D

FINAL PERFORMANCE AT DL UMALI HALL

Nasyonalismo.

Theme of CEMplangan 2011 (College of Economics and Management's Annual Sports Fest) sponsored by the CEM Student Council.

Among five organizations in CEM, UP Alliance of Economics and Management Students (UPAEMS) placed 2nd in the Dance Competition with an average score of 96%. (UPJES won by 0.6)

MABUHAY ANG ALYANSA!
UPAEMS is ♥


video (c) Jerico Javier

Being lost is being found.

So my housemate has a project last night. When I say "project" it's PAID.

It's actually a thesis of her sister's group. Yes. 6 in a group! How is that? (Yes. Non-UP)
We tried to help her not because of the additional Yellow Cab Pizza but because it is our expertise. Feasibility Study and stuff. Too bad I forgot my lappy that all my files are there. I mean in the auto-signing in feature of my laptop where I saved all my files in SkyDrive. So I struggled guessing what it is. Til I gave up and fell asleep.

This afternoon as I head off to work. (Honeeep. Maka-work naman ako?! HAHAHAHA)
I rushed to Nobi (that's my lappy's name) and tried retrieving my Windows Live Account.

After some trial-and-error, I found out the e-mail address I used for that account and just reset password by using the link sent in that e-mail. And...VOILA! Miracle!

Stupid me! I have different passwords for different accounts and just gave all my faith to the automatic sign-in blah blah. I tried changing the password in that e-mail but failed because I also forgot what it was! HAHA :)) But the Windows Live account is safe and sound! (Sa katunayan eto nga yun eh ************) LOL :)))


I browsed some pictures and old stuff and found all our memories back together.

This is my favorite:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I know. Wala kayong magagawa! Blog ko 'toh! Tangina! 


I don't remember exactly when this picture was taken. But we were in SM Calamba. Dunno if Quantum or the other one? Monthsary ata namen to. Ang alam ko lang, masaya kami...


Why this picture? Because he's cute here. (Eto lang pala yung picture na cute sya! HAHAHAHAHAHA)
Joke. :p

I admired him a lot on this day. He played well in shooting (basketball) and I was amazed by this. He was playing an arcade game here. Tekken? If I am right. And I was like... O________O (Bat ang galing nya???)

I was staring there like a fangirl. Like a high school girl crushing on a campus heartthrob! (Nakakagago pero seryoso toh!) HAHAHAHAHA



Eh yun...


At least I still have these pictures. Worth keeping. I won't tell you how many albums are there. (Konti lang naman) It also crossed my mind that he deleted all our pictures and albums in his Facebook account just recently (Ako na stalker! Lol). Good thing I have them kept in SkyDrive. I put it there last summer since I cannot contain seeing them in my laptop and I never thought that he would really do that (the deleting..).


I really don't know if it is a good thing to keep them but I don't care... I want them, at least even just those memories to stay...

FREEDOM!

This is what I miss the most--blogging.


Well. I have lotsa, tons of blogging accounts and none of them survived. Lol
You know? Making them and then forgetting about them.


My first blog if I remember it right was on Friendster, I think? I was a minor "jejemon" that time since I started it way back high school. Yeah. Those StIcKy CaPs. (Errrr) HAHAHA :)))


Too bad Friendster is faced out T___T
I used to read those blogs when I'm bored sometimes and laugh my ass out and amazed by how time really flies! 


The second one was LiveJournal--then I forgot about it.
The third one was Multiply.
This blog is really special because half of my college life was written there. Fun stuff. Hard times. Broken heart. I used to shout all my heart out on that blog. And there was Facebook.
I really did not make a blog on FB but the day to day status says it all though not all. (weird?). It's like my feelings and emotions became suppressed since all my family and friends are there.


Well, Tumblr is a wonderland but I am not really active in that blog because of the high-bandwidth blah blah makes me inaccessible to that website. 


So then I had my first boyfriend and we decided to have a "Notebook". It's not a blog. It's an actual notebook where you write your thoughts, everything on it. 


And then he broke up with me. ///


And all I got to do was write on that Notebook until the very end and even until everything has already ended. I still write on that Notebook that made me sooooo miserable and all fucked up. Like HELL!!!


Until one day, even though I still have more to write, I decided to return that Notebook to him. Thinking that if he gets to read everything like I used to do, he might recall all the love and care he used to have for me...


But nothing changed. I guess he doesn't really love me like what I thought before. 


Right after the break-up, I wrote on the Notebook thinking that every day entry might help me heal all the wounds until it's gone. But it did not help me at all. Not even a little. Having that Notebook with me was like a curse. I was getting worse each day writing at every page of it crying myself to sleep, draining all the words that come out of my head.


You might think that this is an extension of that Notebook, no it's not. This blog will serve as a reservoir of brain farts. Not just about my ex. But everything that I want to say. I will say everything that I want to say. No pretensions. I want this blog to be my best friend.


This blog is nothing but freedom! ♥