Heavy heart.

I know this is sooo over rated but I just have to release this. I need an outlet and this blog is perfect! I mean, what's the use of my blog if not for these?

Pain is an understatement. I am completely numb.. last time I checked. But events this weekend made me realized how affected I am still. How crazy I am over.. wait for it.. Okaaaay...him!

Last Friday was PaCEMula: CEMplangan opening. Honestly, I was really torn on going or not. I haven't slept for two days because of office work and going home would be really helpful for me. But yeah. FRIENDS! I can't say no! Another thing is the weather. The clouds were scary! On my way to HM terminal, I was thinking how lucky I was that moment when I was able to have a perfect timing. Rain hasn't poured yet when I reached the bus terminal. As the bus leaves, just in time for the heavy rain!

When I arrived in elbi, there was no single drop of rain! Just my luck when I told my friend to meet me at the corner of Agapita, I saw his car! I just saw the letters of the plate number so I waited for it to turn left for me to see it completely. And positive! It was his car! I was shaking to my nervousness I don't even know why! But it gave me a hint to where he lives so I followed him! Lol. I was positive that night and voila! Quoting my favorite series Once Upon A Time "I will always find you". :p

Haha. Stalker me! Guess what? He just lives at the back of Clemente! Gaaaah! And it was me again who found out where he lives! I ran back to LBNHS to meet my friend because she was waiting for a while already.

The morning after, I woke up late so I wasn't able to get back home in the morning. The couple aems alumni who also slept over at clemente randomly called him and invited him over. I was already packing my things that time. I was just waiting for my ordered meal for delivery. And there, Jojo was already mentioning the people around. I told them not to include me. For sure he won't come. I was also decided to go home then.. But they insisted for me to stay. Part of me wanted to but the other wanted to save myself from whatever embarrassment/what-not.

Just as I entered the room, when everyone else was outside, I heard them in excited voices! He arrived! That moment, I thought I was going to get sick! My whole body was shaking! My hands and feet were cold and sweaty! My heart kept beating faster that its usual. I didn't know what to do! I wanted to disappear! I was just there at the room. So near to him yet so far! I heard them telling stories. Making fun of him. Aems missed him. Paw and Che, went to me from time to time. I really wanted to go home.  And then, all of sudden when they left me, he peaked me at the door and said these cold words"Andyan ka pala?". With a very insulted face.

Moment of silence. I was stunned. I didn't know what to do. So just as he left the room, I went out as well. Pretended that everything was okay. Jojo and Rose Ann brought us chocolate ice cream and from that moment I revealed myself to him---define AWKWARD! They just made fun out of it but it was completely awkwardness filling out every space of that apartment!

I just waited for my lunch to arrive because he didn't talk after he saw me, I left Clemente.


I had a heavy heart. He might thought that it was one of my schemes! So after I arrived home, I texted him right away explaining things to him. And yes. He was consistent. He never replied.