Hi! It's me again. I've been very busy these days. So much in the office, socials.. etc. Actually, I have papers to finish.. Five more regions to go but I just want to take a break and put my thoughts over here..
What's up with me? Hmm.. Very very deep question. As I assess myself, I really don't know what to answer. I guess, I'm confused. Afraid?
Here's the thing. I've been close to several guys nowadays (HANEEEP maka-several! HAHA). I guess it's true: When it rains, it POURS. Oh well. I'm used to it. So where to start? Hmmm...
Guy A. Someone from my innocent days. Lol. He's almost perfect.The thing is. I never met him. Heard it right. We're cyberfriends. And we're from different time zones. How' s that? Lol. But he'll return here in PH, September. Let's just see what happens...
Guy B. Someone also from my innocent days only, more real. He's my fraternity brother and the age gap is not so distant. Hehe. He's handsome. That's what scares me. Lol
Guy C. A friend of my bestfriend. Her boss actually. He's cute. Period. LOL. What scares me is, I know what he wants. And I can't compromise. Exclamation point! 3:)
So to weigh things..Only Guys A and B matter. What confuses me is, what I really want. Guy A is far away but I'm sure he's worth waiting for. Nah. I am not really sure.. Guy B, is just a text away and I can flirt all I want, if only I had the guts to do it. Gaaaaah! I dunno! That feeling when you want to scratch the itch, but you can't because you're afraid you might get a scar from doing so?
I can't be in a relationship. It's too risky. Too painful to overcome.
Bottom line. I'll end up being alone again and forever wait for that person again. Whoever that is. Fuck you for keeping me wait this long!
And yes, today is the last day of February. Despite of what had happened, I still have high hopes for my love life this year. :)
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Finally. :)
Maybe I'm that in love or should I say just out of sound mind? I was easily impulsed by Che by using magic words. Lol. In just a snap, it was too late to realize that I have already talked to my boss allowing me to have an undertime at work yesterday. FYI, she's very strict and I had a meeting but I was able to get out of the office at 3:20pm to head South. Yeah. To Harmonya's concert. Woot!
On the way, my head was full of noise. Full of blah blahs. I kept on over analyzing things on what might happen or what is waiting for me in Elbi. I was expecting the worst. Haha. Foolish me. I am on a tight budget. I can't even go home.. but for him like that? I don't have any clothes with me! Seriously??? AKO NA NGA!!! Pwedeng pwede nako ma-awardan!!!
We went to DL quarter to seven. Just in the nick of time as the program says but the hell!!! We waited for an hour! We didn't have tickets yet! Tanginalang! Sayang yung undertime ko ee! (Anlandi ko daw kasi. Lol)
Long lines. No more seats for us. Syet. Makaraos lang oh? We sat on the aisle. I was afraid he might see me. But the lightings and the universe conspired. Lol. Tanginae! Kulang nalang itutok sakin yung spotlight ganun na rin eh!!! AMP!
In fairness, I didn't cry. :D
But there was a song that made me remind of him or him reminding me? Hanep. Haha. Something that the only two of us will understand. Okay. With my friends as well. (because I shared it) :p
One of their AVPs which pertains to love stories, has him on it. Minus his face and the girl's. They were holding hands. But I knew it was him. He could not keep secrets from me. I am omnipotent when it regards to him. Lol. :p
Feelings? It was like I got numbed. Nothing. Good thing. Maybe? Chill lang. Relax.
The concert? Last year's still the best. I cried over Moonriver. Titanic's My Heart Will Go On is the song I got close to tears but still not enough. :p This year's more on native-fiesta songs. There's MJ Medley but I dunno.
After the concert, we rushed to getting to the restroom but as soon as we get there, Froi was already there in the lobby. He saw me of course. I didn't know what force drove me to go to him and say "Congrats" and even have the guts to ask for a hug. Phew!
That's the worst hug ever! It's better hugging a leaning post or a mannequin! But still I was able to confront him to finally end all these nightmares haunting me. I asked if he was the one holding hands in the AVP. He answered me with "Eh anu naman?" . K. I asked him if he has a girlfriend. He denied it and said "WALA". K. Again. But I forgot to ask if he's courting.. Eh anu nga bang pakialam ko???? TANGINA.
So after that pointless conversation, I came to realize that it's really over. He's a changed person. I really don't know him anymore.
On the way, my head was full of noise. Full of blah blahs. I kept on over analyzing things on what might happen or what is waiting for me in Elbi. I was expecting the worst. Haha. Foolish me. I am on a tight budget. I can't even go home.. but for him like that? I don't have any clothes with me! Seriously??? AKO NA NGA!!! Pwedeng pwede nako ma-awardan!!!
We went to DL quarter to seven. Just in the nick of time as the program says but the hell!!! We waited for an hour! We didn't have tickets yet! Tanginalang! Sayang yung undertime ko ee! (Anlandi ko daw kasi. Lol)
Long lines. No more seats for us. Syet. Makaraos lang oh? We sat on the aisle. I was afraid he might see me. But the lightings and the universe conspired. Lol. Tanginae! Kulang nalang itutok sakin yung spotlight ganun na rin eh!!! AMP!
In fairness, I didn't cry. :D
But there was a song that made me remind of him or him reminding me? Hanep. Haha. Something that the only two of us will understand. Okay. With my friends as well. (because I shared it) :p
One of their AVPs which pertains to love stories, has him on it. Minus his face and the girl's. They were holding hands. But I knew it was him. He could not keep secrets from me. I am omnipotent when it regards to him. Lol. :p
Feelings? It was like I got numbed. Nothing. Good thing. Maybe? Chill lang. Relax.
The concert? Last year's still the best. I cried over Moonriver. Titanic's My Heart Will Go On is the song I got close to tears but still not enough. :p This year's more on native-fiesta songs. There's MJ Medley but I dunno.
After the concert, we rushed to getting to the restroom but as soon as we get there, Froi was already there in the lobby. He saw me of course. I didn't know what force drove me to go to him and say "Congrats" and even have the guts to ask for a hug. Phew!
That's the worst hug ever! It's better hugging a leaning post or a mannequin! But still I was able to confront him to finally end all these nightmares haunting me. I asked if he was the one holding hands in the AVP. He answered me with "Eh anu naman?" . K. I asked him if he has a girlfriend. He denied it and said "WALA". K. Again. But I forgot to ask if he's courting.. Eh anu nga bang pakialam ko???? TANGINA.
So after that pointless conversation, I came to realize that it's really over. He's a changed person. I really don't know him anymore.
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
Feelings on REPEAT.
He was there again. In my dreams. And it's no any new thing for me. But this time it's more bothersome. I dreamed of him with another girl. His new girlfriend, my dream suggests. When I headed off to Elbi last week, was it coincidence when my orgmates told me about him? My former housemate saw him with a girl as he passed by our tambayan. And she thinks that they have something. I wasn't shocked. I felt something was pinching me. Yeah. I'm hurt. But it was the feeling like I was not able to breathe. Something like being enclosed in a plastic bag. I heard of it last Friday. Oh well I mean, I confirmed it last Friday but the feelings just sunk in today when I woke up this morning. I feel like crying but there's no tear, even a single drop to fall. I don't know. I have nothing else to do. I have no say. I got no choice but to move on and forget about him. This week is his org's concert. I really wanted to watch him perform but I realized I shouldn't. It will just makes things worse for me. But a part of me says I should. Just to say good luck or congratulations. I really miss him. More than anyone else in this world. I can't handle this anymore.
Friday, February 03, 2012
Coz I'm bored like that..
And I am decided. Yes. Decided to get a tattoo. Yay! :)))
I'm planning to have it as my birthday gift to myself but I'd rather have it as my graduation gift.
PERO TANGINA! GUSTO KO NA TALAGAAAAAA!!! Rawr. :D
Where to put it and the design? Na-ah. Sorry but I am not telling. I want to keep it as private as possible. Yung tipong bukod sa tattoo artist, the next person to know about it would be someone special. Very special. Ganon. Lol. Syempre I can't brag it to my family. Eh kung patayin ako ng lola ko? Pati mga strict cousins. Oh well. Basta excited nako. Weeee! Sige. Few friends. AS IN FEW. PRAMIS. Hehe
After Katy's Concert, I realized one thing. I fell in love with PINK all over again. It was just after I bought that charmbracelet. I think it's really spellbound. Yeah. My most hated color. I dunno if it's good, but I just love it. I changed my desktop background to Katy's pink wallpaper, also my facebook's. Maybe just that it. You'll really never know. What you hate today, you might go crazy in the end, vice versa.
Three days and two nights in Clark. Grabe. Torture! I prevented myself from eating my usual, for tomorrow we'll be in Puerto Galera. Worst, tablets were rainpoured at Social night and I was the only one, ONLY ONE who didn't get. PUTANGINAAAAAAAA~~~
Samsung galaxy tab. 32gb, 3g wifi. Sinong hindi maglalaslas? Eh puta yung pinakakinaiinisan kong sekretarya meron? Tapos akong Technical Officer WALA?????? ARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH.
And here I am in the office, wala na namang ginagawa. Lol. Got my first paycheck yesterday. Nakakainis nga. I forgot to take a picture of it as a souvenir. I'm used to this feeling. Way back Alumni Hostel days. Sumusweldo ng wala lang. Lol. Sasabihin ko uli. Hindi ko kasalanan na wala silang pinapagawa sakin. PERIOD. Guilty amp. Haha
Ayun, just excited for tomorrow. And for the next week and week after next. Wooohooo! :)
I'm planning to have it as my birthday gift to myself but I'd rather have it as my graduation gift.
PERO TANGINA! GUSTO KO NA TALAGAAAAAA!!! Rawr. :D
Where to put it and the design? Na-ah. Sorry but I am not telling. I want to keep it as private as possible. Yung tipong bukod sa tattoo artist, the next person to know about it would be someone special. Very special. Ganon. Lol. Syempre I can't brag it to my family. Eh kung patayin ako ng lola ko? Pati mga strict cousins. Oh well. Basta excited nako. Weeee! Sige. Few friends. AS IN FEW. PRAMIS. Hehe
After Katy's Concert, I realized one thing. I fell in love with PINK all over again. It was just after I bought that charmbracelet. I think it's really spellbound. Yeah. My most hated color. I dunno if it's good, but I just love it. I changed my desktop background to Katy's pink wallpaper, also my facebook's. Maybe just that it. You'll really never know. What you hate today, you might go crazy in the end, vice versa.
Three days and two nights in Clark. Grabe. Torture! I prevented myself from eating my usual, for tomorrow we'll be in Puerto Galera. Worst, tablets were rainpoured at Social night and I was the only one, ONLY ONE who didn't get. PUTANGINAAAAAAAA~~~
Samsung galaxy tab. 32gb, 3g wifi. Sinong hindi maglalaslas? Eh puta yung pinakakinaiinisan kong sekretarya meron? Tapos akong Technical Officer WALA?????? ARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH.
And here I am in the office, wala na namang ginagawa. Lol. Got my first paycheck yesterday. Nakakainis nga. I forgot to take a picture of it as a souvenir. I'm used to this feeling. Way back Alumni Hostel days. Sumusweldo ng wala lang. Lol. Sasabihin ko uli. Hindi ko kasalanan na wala silang pinapagawa sakin. PERIOD. Guilty amp. Haha
Ayun, just excited for tomorrow. And for the next week and week after next. Wooohooo! :)
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Charmbracelet. Is it?
January is almost over and I can say that 2012 is really kicking its ass! :))
Watched the EPIC Katy Perry Concert with Mara, her sissie and their family Seton friend Kakai!. Unfortunately, we didn't have cam. Lol. I saw Kean Cipriano with his friends. I didn't know it was him until he screamed looking for people who don't have tickets yet. I finally confirmed it after the concert where he tweeted this. :p
Before the Chinese New Year, I bought this amazing bracelet. Its in my sign and is pink. I do not have money that time. P200 left in my wallet. I asked for the sales lady and told me it costs P100! DAMN!!! So I left with my orgmate, but not too far away, I decided I should get it. Baka swertehin ako e. Wala namang masama. But when I gave away my P100, I thought of, susuwertehin ba talaga ko eh nalagasan na nga ko ng P100??? Lol
So there, when I gave away the bill I thought it was just it. Natawa ko kasi niritwalan pa ni Ate! :)))
when she was doing it, I wished. But now, I cannot completely remember what did I hope for. :p All I can remember is I am really hopeful and positive about this year! :)
Would you believe right after I went home, this guy my best friend introduced way back messaged me in Facebook inviting me to see PBA live the day after. I didn't answer. I knew what he wanted. Douchebag!
So yun, feeling ko mabisang pang-akit sya ng kalalakihan!:)))
Going back to the Katy Perry Concert, I told this to Mara and yeah. It worked. It attracted boys. Not just boys, hot boys! Lol. And there she was screaming at me telling me to get her as well! :))))
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Now, I am enjoying my life. My officemates love me. I am enjoying my work. Or am I really working?Tangina kasi. Yung mga officemates ko, sa sobrang love nila ko, hindi na rin nila ko pinagtatrabaho! AMP. Hahaha. Syempre boys yun. Kahit mukha silang aratan, I really appreciate them.
Last Wednesday, someone popped in my chat. He was a friend long time ago in Teentalk. Yeah. Dafuq. Hahaha. It was a forum in Candymag's website. See? LOOOONG TIME AGO. HAHA. He said hi and I responded since I do not have anything to do. I remember him because Teentalk's population is mostly girls, he was one of the 1%. Lol. He's intelligent and very Godly. I remember a time when we chatted to gain back my Catholic faith. Magpapari nga ata yun eh. So there, we chatted the whole day. Though the scumbag internet connection annoyed me earlier that day and bosses were around me. The hell I care! Lol. Kasalanan ko bang wala silang pinagawa sakin??? I just answered phone calls and yeah, back to Yahoo! again.:p I didn;t even go out for lunch. :p
We chat since then. I only have to count 13hours backwards. Yes. He's living in the East Coast. NY to be exact. Oh well, it didn't surprise me anymore, he is a seminarian. But he said, he will be taking Law instead here in the Philippines after he graduate Philo.
Okaaaay. Wala lang. I am not used to being courted. Parang ngang hindi eh. Basta yung feeling na sinusuyo ganun. I am not ready for these things yet. I am not looking for a relationship right now pero sobrang bilis ng mga pangyayari. Ganito pala yun. Yung maging babae. Lol. He's very sweet and very intellectual. Wala ko masabi though lagi nya kong inuuplift. Always has good words to say about me. Tangina! Parang akong nasa pedestal sa taas! Haha.
Hindi ko alam, pero parang hindi ako natutuwa. Ganun siguro talaga pag hindi mo mahal. Lol. Basta. I'm trying to focus my attention on him instead. I deserve to be happy after all. Ok naman sya. Di naman sya pangit. Matalino. Mayaman. Too early to conclude. Hindi naman to tatagal. I bet.
Watched the EPIC Katy Perry Concert with Mara, her sissie and their family Seton friend Kakai!. Unfortunately, we didn't have cam. Lol. I saw Kean Cipriano with his friends. I didn't know it was him until he screamed looking for people who don't have tickets yet. I finally confirmed it after the concert where he tweeted this. :p
Before the Chinese New Year, I bought this amazing bracelet. Its in my sign and is pink. I do not have money that time. P200 left in my wallet. I asked for the sales lady and told me it costs P100! DAMN!!! So I left with my orgmate, but not too far away, I decided I should get it. Baka swertehin ako e. Wala namang masama. But when I gave away my P100, I thought of, susuwertehin ba talaga ko eh nalagasan na nga ko ng P100??? Lol
So there, when I gave away the bill I thought it was just it. Natawa ko kasi niritwalan pa ni Ate! :)))
when she was doing it, I wished. But now, I cannot completely remember what did I hope for. :p All I can remember is I am really hopeful and positive about this year! :)
Would you believe right after I went home, this guy my best friend introduced way back messaged me in Facebook inviting me to see PBA live the day after. I didn't answer. I knew what he wanted. Douchebag!
So yun, feeling ko mabisang pang-akit sya ng kalalakihan!:)))
Going back to the Katy Perry Concert, I told this to Mara and yeah. It worked. It attracted boys. Not just boys, hot boys! Lol. And there she was screaming at me telling me to get her as well! :))))
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Now, I am enjoying my life. My officemates love me. I am enjoying my work. Or am I really working?Tangina kasi. Yung mga officemates ko, sa sobrang love nila ko, hindi na rin nila ko pinagtatrabaho! AMP. Hahaha. Syempre boys yun. Kahit mukha silang aratan, I really appreciate them.
Last Wednesday, someone popped in my chat. He was a friend long time ago in Teentalk. Yeah. Dafuq. Hahaha. It was a forum in Candymag's website. See? LOOOONG TIME AGO. HAHA. He said hi and I responded since I do not have anything to do. I remember him because Teentalk's population is mostly girls, he was one of the 1%. Lol. He's intelligent and very Godly. I remember a time when we chatted to gain back my Catholic faith. Magpapari nga ata yun eh. So there, we chatted the whole day. Though the scumbag internet connection annoyed me earlier that day and bosses were around me. The hell I care! Lol. Kasalanan ko bang wala silang pinagawa sakin??? I just answered phone calls and yeah, back to Yahoo! again.:p I didn;t even go out for lunch. :p
We chat since then. I only have to count 13hours backwards. Yes. He's living in the East Coast. NY to be exact. Oh well, it didn't surprise me anymore, he is a seminarian. But he said, he will be taking Law instead here in the Philippines after he graduate Philo.
Okaaaay. Wala lang. I am not used to being courted. Parang ngang hindi eh. Basta yung feeling na sinusuyo ganun. I am not ready for these things yet. I am not looking for a relationship right now pero sobrang bilis ng mga pangyayari. Ganito pala yun. Yung maging babae. Lol. He's very sweet and very intellectual. Wala ko masabi though lagi nya kong inuuplift. Always has good words to say about me. Tangina! Parang akong nasa pedestal sa taas! Haha.
Hindi ko alam, pero parang hindi ako natutuwa. Ganun siguro talaga pag hindi mo mahal. Lol. Basta. I'm trying to focus my attention on him instead. I deserve to be happy after all. Ok naman sya. Di naman sya pangit. Matalino. Mayaman. Too early to conclude. Hindi naman to tatagal. I bet.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
La la la..
Pwede bang umalis ka na sa isipan ko? Kahit sobrang busy ako, nakakasaglit ka pa rin eh! Ay mali pala! Di ka naman kasi nawala dun. Hanggang kelan mo ba ko pahihirapan? Hanggang kelan mo ba ko totorturin? Masaya nako sa buhay ko eh. Madami akong kaibigan. Mahal ako ng pamilya ko. At higit sa lahat may bago akong trabaho na malayo sayo. Sabi nila yung tao daw na nasa isip mo, baka naman kasi talaga para sya roon. Pero hindi eh. Antagal na. Magiisang taon na tong kahibangan nato! Hindi to normal! Ngayon ko tuloy naisip, kaya ko palang magLDR. Chos! One way nga lang. Sige sige. Hindi ko naman kasi kayang magsinungaling. Ganun pa rin. O mas tumindi pa ata. Pero napapagod nako. Naaawa nako sa sarili ko. Yung gusto kong bigyan ng icecream at yakapin ng matagal tapos patatahanin. Namiss ko lang siguro yung dati. Ngayon sa opisina may mga umaaligid. Nakakatuwa nga kasi naramdaman ko na uli na babae ako. Yung inaalagaan. Gumimik kami nung isang linggo sa elbi at ako lang ang nagiisang babae. Wala akong ginastos. Ni isang kusing. Tapos pag nasa office, never ako nagutom. Hindi naman sa nang-aabuso ako pero alam ko kasi na yun na yung kasiyahan nila kaya sinasakyan ko nalang. Sobrang alaga nila sakin kaya ako yung napapagtsismisan. Eh kasalanan ko bang maganda ko? Pasensya pangit sila. Bwahahaha. Pero hindi ko naman sila papatulan. Hindi natuturuan ang puso. Sabi nga ni..sino nga ba nagsabi nito? Lol. Eh yun. Feeling ko tataba ako sa DA. Ayoko na tuloy umalis. Medyo nasasanay nalang din ako sa mga kasama. Basta. Pinagiisipan ko kung aattend ba ko ng concert nyo, sakto may gimik naman kami sa Pampanga. Pero tama lang siguro na wag na. Baka sa graduation nalang tayo magkita. o hindi na.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Good Vibes 2012 :D
This is my One week and three days in the office. Hooray!!! :D
Welcome to the Department of Agriculture!
Where employees are in rage after Facebook has been blocked. Where politicking and "sipsipan/palakasan" are just means to stay. Where regularization at work will be achieved just before your funeral. And of course, where two-faced people and gossips are not unusual.
To tell honestly, I was not even shocked. Hmmm. Maybe? But not because of the rotten system but of the putanginang colleagues around. Fuckinangsyet lang!
But I love my job! I love what I am doing. I am finally in the industry. I work at the High Value Crops Development Program. I just can't believe that I can get into this. Gathering data, consolidating files all over the Philippines plus other agencies for the whole year round. Being tasked to handle the Mushroom and Bee Industry! Very overwhelming! :)) The fun part is, I am already packed up for the end of the month's workshop in Pampanga! :D
2012 is in favor of me! Ha! This weekend I will watch Katy Perry! ♥
On the 4th of February, AEMS Singles will hit Puerto Galera! :D On the 11th of February, Student Dormers will head North for the Hot Air Balloon Festival in Subic!
Just good vibes! Kahit walang love life! Lol :P
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