Christmas eve thoughts

2014 is a bitch. I've gone through a lot with frustrations in my career, long distance relationship and yeah, friendships.

But despite of everything I am but thankful of those struggles and misunderstandings. I have realized that years of being together is really not the basis for keeping the relationship. Some people are only there with you to know how you are doing and to make them feel better of themselves.

Some people are there with you to have the satisfaction that they are more fortunate or you are less compared to them.

That's the problem about me. Wala akong masamang tinapay sa tao na pinili kong kaibiganin o mahalin. What you see is what you get. I am not the person who will please everybody. I am choosy of people. If I don't feel the person, I will not make that person feel that we're close.

And when I found a person, I am all but blind in giving the attention and love I can give. All out. With no hesitations. That I understand is, well, saddening because not all people are like me.

In my 25 years, I know I am not perfect. I have my flaws and weaknesses. Real people who love me understand, accept me whole-heartedly and reprimand me in my face if necessary.

I appreciate those people because that's when I know they're true. I commit mistakes and act rude sometimes but at the end of the day, I will ask for an apology to those I have offended. And really sincerely mean every word.

I have realized that I don't really need many friends as long as they are true and dependable. I will leave all the bad vibes of 2014 and when I start the new year I will be more positive and optimistic.

I will come home next year. Oo good luck talaga sakin! Haha

Throwback Thursday

Throwback October 2008.

When exams were seemed to be unlimited. After so many sleepless nights, drinking energy drinks and coffees before taking so many final exams, of which most of them were for removals and yet at the end is a grade of 5. Sweet! Bittersweet!

Same feeling as of today. I feel numb of receiving rejection notices. It's so painful that I barely feel it anymore. Maybe this is my karma for leaving my former boss last year. Leaving HVCDP became my scapegoat. And I was a coward. 

I didn't have the guts to redeem myself instead I moved to another office like I was very lucky and boastful of my position. And yet where am I? I wasn't even happy. 

Sometimes I am thinking of just resigning for many reasons that my boss promised me beforehand. But then, I am empty-handed. I can't leave just like that. Broke and nowhere to go.

2015, please be good to me. I have had enough of 2014 misery.

December ❤

We have come to the last chapter of 2014. I'm kinda happy and quite sad at the same time. Yeah, all I wished was this year to end so fast but at the end of the day it makes me cringe because it felt like I've wasted huge amount of time!

I was really frustrated yesterday because aside from super stress at the office, my plans for my boyfriend's birthday were all flopped. It started with the failure to send the Cavs jerseys (which apparently are imitation, that's why lol) then everything else was a failure!

I tried greeting him at exactly 12:00 AM because I wanted to be the first to greet him on his birthday but yeah. He was already asleep. Ugh!

Then, the courier service in Perth failed to deliver him the package. Raaaaawr! There was no one at home according to the tracking service when I checked.

So there, I was forced to tell him the surprise. Tsk. He scheduled the delivery on Wednesday because he has his Speaking Test today. I was really really frustrated because last year was perfect! I want to be involved on his birthday despite our distance. I want him to be happy.

But what surprised me was him being touched by all my efforts. I joked him I sent him a pair of shoes, he was enraged! HAHAHAHAHA. Of course, I expected his reaction to be like that. At first, he didn't believe me for me to really have done that but I insisted. And yeah, I was busted again because he really knows that I won't really do that anyway. Lol

A call or text from me would be much appreciated, he said. He doesn't really want me to give him gifts because he knows how expensive the shipping fee is. I was really touched because he instilled in me that I do not have to spend so much just to make him happy. I was frustrated that day because I thought I failed surprising him on his birthday but the truth is, I was really the one who was surprised.

His simplicity and contentment make me love him even more. I knew from the start that he's really THE ONE. He's not perfect and we fight a lot but being able to stick with each other, the commitment, is the most important in strengthening our relationship.