Leap day of the leap year

Hi! It's me again. I've been very busy these days. So much in the office, socials.. etc. Actually, I have papers to finish.. Five more regions to go but I just want to take a break and put my thoughts over here..

What's up with me? Hmm.. Very very deep question. As I assess myself, I really don't know what to answer. I guess, I'm confused. Afraid?

Here's the thing. I've been close to several guys nowadays (HANEEEP maka-several! HAHA). I guess it's true: When it rains, it POURS. Oh well. I'm used to it. So where to start? Hmmm...

Guy A. Someone from my innocent days. Lol. He's almost perfect.The thing is. I never met him. Heard it right. We're cyberfriends. And we're from different time zones. How' s that? Lol. But he'll return here in PH, September. Let's just see what happens...

Guy B. Someone also from my innocent days only, more real. He's my fraternity brother and the age gap is not so distant. Hehe. He's handsome. That's what scares me. Lol

Guy C. A friend of my bestfriend. Her boss actually. He's cute. Period. LOL. What scares me is, I know what he wants. And I can't compromise. Exclamation point! 3:)


So to weigh things..Only Guys A and B matter. What confuses me is, what I really want. Guy A is far away but I'm sure he's worth waiting for. Nah. I am not really sure.. Guy B, is just a text away and I can flirt all I want, if only I had the guts to do it. Gaaaaah! I dunno! That feeling when you want to scratch the  itch, but you can't because you're afraid you might get a scar from doing so?

I can't be in a relationship. It's too risky. Too painful to overcome.

Bottom line. I'll end up being alone again and forever wait for that person again. Whoever that is. Fuck you for keeping me wait this long!  

And yes, today is the last day of February. Despite of what had happened, I still have high hopes for my love life this year. :)

Finally. :)

Maybe I'm that in love or should I say just out of sound mind? I was easily impulsed by Che by using magic words. Lol. In just a snap, it was too late to realize that I have already talked to my boss allowing me to have an undertime at work yesterday. FYI, she's very strict and I had a meeting but I was able to get out of the office at 3:20pm to head South. Yeah. To Harmonya's concert. Woot!

On the way, my head was full of noise. Full of blah blahs. I kept on over analyzing things on what might happen or what is waiting for me in Elbi. I was expecting the worst. Haha. Foolish me. I am on a tight budget. I can't even go home.. but for him like that? I don't have any clothes with me! Seriously??? AKO NA NGA!!! Pwedeng pwede nako ma-awardan!!!

We went to DL quarter to seven. Just in the nick of time as the program says but the hell!!! We waited for an hour! We didn't have tickets yet! Tanginalang! Sayang yung undertime ko ee! (Anlandi ko daw kasi. Lol)

Long lines. No more seats for us. Syet. Makaraos lang oh?  We sat on the aisle. I was afraid he might see me. But the lightings and the universe conspired. Lol. Tanginae! Kulang nalang itutok sakin yung spotlight ganun na rin eh!!! AMP!

In fairness, I didn't cry. :D

But there was a song that made me remind of him or him reminding me? Hanep. Haha. Something that the only two of us will understand. Okay. With my friends as well. (because I shared it) :p

One of their AVPs which pertains to love stories, has him on it. Minus his face and the girl's. They were holding hands. But I knew it was him. He could not keep secrets from me. I am omnipotent when it regards to him. Lol. :p

Feelings? It was like I got numbed. Nothing. Good thing. Maybe? Chill lang. Relax.

The concert? Last year's still the best. I cried over Moonriver. Titanic's My Heart Will Go On is the song I got close to tears but still not enough. :p This year's more on native-fiesta songs. There's MJ Medley but I dunno.

After the concert, we rushed to getting to the restroom but as soon as we get there, Froi was already there in the lobby. He saw me of course. I didn't know what force drove me to go to him and say "Congrats" and even have the guts to ask for a hug. Phew!

That's the worst hug ever! It's better hugging a leaning post or a mannequin! But still I was able to confront him to finally end all these nightmares haunting me. I asked if he was the one holding hands in the AVP. He answered me with "Eh anu naman?" . K. I asked him if he has a girlfriend. He denied it and said "WALA". K. Again. But I forgot to ask if he's courting.. Eh anu nga bang pakialam ko???? TANGINA.

So after that pointless conversation, I came  to realize that it's really over. He's a changed person. I really don't know him anymore.

Feelings on REPEAT.

He was there again. In my dreams. And it's no any new thing for me. But this time it's more bothersome. I dreamed of him with another girl. His new girlfriend, my dream suggests. When I headed off to Elbi last week, was it coincidence when my orgmates told me about him? My former housemate saw him with a girl as he passed by our tambayan. And she thinks that they have something. I wasn't shocked. I felt something was pinching me. Yeah. I'm hurt. But it was the feeling like I was not able to breathe. Something like being enclosed in a plastic bag. I heard of it last Friday. Oh well I mean, I confirmed it last Friday but the feelings just sunk in today when I woke up this morning. I feel like crying but there's no tear, even a single drop to fall. I don't know. I have nothing else to do. I have no say. I got no choice but to move on and forget about him. This week is his org's concert. I really wanted to watch him perform but I realized I shouldn't. It will just makes things worse for me. But a part of me says I should. Just to say good luck or congratulations. I really miss him. More than anyone else in this world. I can't handle this anymore.

Coz I'm bored like that..

And I am decided. Yes. Decided to get a tattoo. Yay! :)))

I'm planning to have it as my birthday gift to myself but I'd rather have it as my graduation gift.

PERO TANGINA! GUSTO KO NA TALAGAAAAAA!!! Rawr. :D

Where to put it and the design? Na-ah. Sorry but I am not telling. I want to keep it as private as possible. Yung tipong bukod sa tattoo artist, the next person to know about it would be someone special. Very special. Ganon. Lol. Syempre I can't brag it to my family. Eh kung patayin ako ng lola ko? Pati mga strict cousins. Oh well. Basta excited nako. Weeee! Sige. Few friends. AS IN FEW. PRAMIS. Hehe

After Katy's Concert, I realized one thing. I fell in love with PINK all over again. It was just after I bought that charmbracelet. I think it's really spellbound. Yeah. My most hated color. I dunno if it's good, but I just love it. I changed my desktop background to Katy's pink wallpaper, also my facebook's. Maybe just that it. You'll really never know. What you hate today, you might go crazy in the end, vice versa.

Three days and two nights in Clark. Grabe. Torture! I prevented myself from eating my usual, for tomorrow we'll be in Puerto Galera. Worst, tablets were rainpoured at Social night and I was the only one, ONLY ONE who didn't get. PUTANGINAAAAAAAA~~~

Samsung galaxy tab. 32gb, 3g wifi. Sinong hindi maglalaslas? Eh puta yung pinakakinaiinisan kong sekretarya meron? Tapos akong Technical Officer WALA?????? ARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH.

And here I am in the office, wala na namang ginagawa. Lol. Got my first paycheck yesterday. Nakakainis nga. I forgot to take a picture of it as a souvenir. I'm used to this feeling. Way back Alumni Hostel days. Sumusweldo ng wala lang. Lol. Sasabihin ko uli. Hindi ko kasalanan na wala silang pinapagawa sakin. PERIOD. Guilty amp. Haha

Ayun, just excited for tomorrow. And for the next week and week after next. Wooohooo! :)